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Thought I was a Goner


So I signed on to doodle, it’s been a long while since I was last here on WordPress. My have things changed. I thought my account was a GONER by the looks of the opening page. It’s kind of thrown me off from what I actually came up here for.

Lets see if I can get it back…

Like I said, I came up here to doodle… basically just come up here and spit what ever comes to mind. Seeming as how my mind has been in so many places all at one time. So many different topics, subjects, so many spaces of just space. Cloudy with a chance of sun kind of thoughts. Not being able to see the step out in front me.

These days I have just been praying for Peace. Peace of heart mind and spirit. People LOOK at me and THINK I have it together, but what they don’t see is the internal battle that is happening. As well as the fight that is going to stay afloat.

At one point in my life I was so LIGHT, so full of peace, here let me say it the way I told a friend in a message today “I know what it’s like to live in total peace. To live the light life. I know what it’s like to float and be weightless…” That is what I yearn to acquire back.

I have come a long way. I certainly wouldn’t want things to be EXACTLY the same. I’d want it to include my growth, but still I can’t help but scream GIVE ME MY PEACE BACK!

My peace has never been dependent upon other people, it’s always been with in me. I’ve always been comfortable in relying on myself and the most high for any peace needed. But I guess I became so wrapped up in the people I met that were so like minded as myself, it felt good to somewhat belong. I got so wrapped up in US, I lost a little sight of me as an individual.

Yesterday I asked myself what it is i’d like to do with my day, what would make me feel happy and fulfilled, and I couldn’t give a straight answer. I hadn’t the slightest clue. Truth is, I DON’T KNOW what I like. I couldn’t answer, but if I was asking or answering for benefit of someone else, i’d know at the drop of a dime. HOW SAD IS THAT! 

I am a prisoner of my own mind, against my own will. I am trying to not just escape, but to FREE MYSELF. I suppose as they say the first step is admittance/acknowledgement. And I’ve done, so I am ready for step 2, WHAT DO I DO TO MOVE ON?

Like I said before, I just want my peace back, that’s all. I think that is pretty simple.

I am to a point where I don’t know what else to say. So I guess I will stop now.

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This entry was published on January 4, 2015 at 4:59 am. It’s filed under Dear Diary and tagged , , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink. Follow any comments here with the RSS feed for this post.

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